kickball

i blogged back in the day when i was still in school about a video we watched at alpha...i was searching on youtube for this video cos i wanted to watch it again....

kickball

it spoke the same message....watch it, see what you get out of it....

we dont need....

to dress a certain way. or to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. or to hang with a certain crowd. or to look a certain way. or to say certain words. or listen to certain music. or change depending who we are with. or try to fit in.

God loves us just how we are. there really are no catches. i know ive posted a blog similar to this before. but really it is so true, and so often we forget about it. i listened to a talk tonight at church, from a lady called Sarah who lives out in Romania. she is from Luton, and has gone out there to help set up safe homes, and give the kids out there the love they deserve. Sarah was only a couple of years older than me when she went out there, and now 5-6years later she has set up a charity called Romanian Relief. now listening to her talk tonight and watching a video thats been put together, and seeing how some of the kids live out there and how they are treated, really really really made me realise just how much i take things for granted and to be honest how selfish i can be. and just listening to her talk, made me think again about all i listed at the begining of this blog. and really how those things wont and cant make us completely happy. we are loved by God just how we are. and really i wanted to share that. cos God loves us all just how we are, and those things may make us happy for a while but if we ask ourselves deeply if they will make us happy forever, the answer would probably be no. we need to be more grateful for what we have, cos we have it good compared to some people, and i just felt that once again on my heart tonight. and want you guys to think about all you have and how you have it good too.

it's bloomin' freezin' !!

im so cold today!! cant seem to get warm, winter is definatly on its way!! yesterday was a good day for me in the sense of reflecting and talking through how i have been feeling. i had a really long chat with someone about it, i hadnt planned to go and talk to them about it, but we were chatting and i just started talking about everything that has been on my mind lately and just talking about how i have been feeling at many different things which have been getting to me. i just felt so much more peace in my heart once i had spoken about it, almost as though i was realising it, and not keeping it all held back. i just felt God had placed that person there for a reason to listen yesterday, and i was so glad to be able to offload how i have been feeling.

"our God is an awesome God he regins, from heaven above with wisdom, power and love our God is an awesome God." those words have been on my mind since i went to LCF a few weeks back and we were singing those words, and so often i think i forget how awesome God is and how God has the power to do anything, nothing is to big for God and we just have to trust God. i think that with things with me at the moment, i just have to trust God, and i know God knows best and i think i just have to allow God to work in how God is going to work and not doubt or worry but trust, which can be a scary thing to do, but i think its what i need to do, and i think thats why those words are really sticking in my heart as a way of remembering just how AMAZING God is.

the whole "yes" "no" and "wait" are also things ive been thinking about when i have been praying, i was re-reading my prayer diary which i havent written in for ages, but i went through a stage of writing down my prayers, and just re-reading it and looking at how prayers have been answered, i can see why they have been answered how they have now, when they havent always been answered how i have wanted them to be at the time!!

anyway Y'all - Peace out x

and i was right about it all crashing down...

sunday evening i felt awful, id done the talk at encounter(11-14yr olds) in the morning, which i thought went really well and then in the afternoon id been out with the amazing miss macfie :) then i got to church and had loasda things playing on my mind, i sat on my own, cos no1 was really there my age, and i sat at the front still, and it was good, it gave me a time to listen and think, when the service finished all i wanted to do was cry but i didnt and got to elbow room. the worship started and the song "i can only imagine" was being sung, i sat down and was just thinking about everything, cos thats the song which i listened to when my nan died two years ago, so its a song pretty close to my heart, hannah come and said to me lets go outside, and i just completely broke, but i managed to calm myself down and stop crying and went back in to listen to the talk Mark was doing. the talk really hit a nerve for me, it was about holes we have in our heart which still need to be filled, and arguements came to my mind straight away because of things when i was younger. we were then watching a powerpoint and i could feel my eyes watering again, then everyone got up to sing and i stayed sitting and again i broke, this time i couldnt stop crying and just sat there crying and crying, i felt really drained after it, but i felt better after i had cried. i got home and just spoke to someone about something and really told him about why i hate arguments and really opened up to him about it.

yesterday at infinity Lyns did the talk, and it was all about guidence, there were a few things she said which i really felt were speaking out to me, about not rushing into things, and taking our time, and even if we chose the wrong door, we will still get to where God wants us to be.

but yeah - im still not feeling great but feel better now ive had a good cry and just been able to start speaking to people about how im feeling instead of holding it all in and not talking about it and letting it get me down even more.

it is a bit of a rollorcoaster....

thats how im feeling at the minute. i feel as though im at the top and waiting to drop before building back up and reaching the straight part again. i dont really know what brought it all on, i thought things were going alright. but recently ive felt kinda rubbish about things and its really impacted on my mood. but i hope it is just a phase and it will pass soon.

also want to say that i love both of these girls very much, and ive been a pretty crap friend to the both of them recently and said things i regret, but they both are very special and will always have a place in my heart. we have all been through so much together and they are both amazing, special and beautiful people, who are like my sisters aswell as my best friends xxx